Day +40

"As you persevere along the path I have prepared for you, depending on My strength to sustain you, expect to see miracles...and you will.  Miracles are not always visible to the naked eye but those that live by faith, can see them clearly.  Living by faith, rather than sight, enables you to see My Glory." Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

Wow, does that speak volumes... God does make miracles happen and I believe I have one lying next to me right now!!  Addie Lynn Brenden you are a gift from God, my miraculous little angel!!  Praise Jesus for her life and for allowing me to be her mother!!

Living by faith is such a better way to live and who doesn't want to see His Glory... Fear can not bog down a life lived by faith!!  That being said, why is it such a struggle to live faithfully?!  Why is it that the moment that I allow my mind to rest it immediately sneaks back into it's old habit of worrying, feelings of inadequacy and the need for control!!  I came into this weekend just feeling like my tank was emptying...  Wondering how much longer could I really keep pushing through this, how much longer could I keep it together and how much longer would I have to watch Addie fight this battle?!  The thought of tomorrow, next week, the months and years to come only make me worry and leave me feeling exhausted... The moments I allow my mind to wonder are the times that fear and selfishness come rushing in.  This isn't about Me, I am not going through this, Addie is!!  How dare I get tired?!  She is enduring so much... I am only here to make her days brighter :)  Moments like I described are when I lose sight of Him and begin directing my eyes inwards!!!  I realize that I have no power in any of this other than Him, and what a MIGHTY power that is!!  Thank God for this Power, for Jesus!!  I will forever actively pursue a life filled with faith and hope.  

I have recently learned that God wants us to have dreams and He wants us to dream big!!  How exciting is it to dream?!  When I think of what is to come, rather than worry about what could happen I dream of what is going to happen!!  Whew... Is that a better outlook!!  I think it is pretty clear what this Momma's dream is... A big dream for a BIG God, who is capable of miraculous things!!  Can I get a hallelujah on that :)

My tank is currently full once again... Praise God!!  This weekend was busy.  Our family of five was packed in this little lunch box and that can be quite intense but WOW does it feel good to be a family of five... All my girls together, playing and enjoying eachother (most of the time)!!  Addie continues to improve and since we arrived down her this last Monday we have not had any set backs... Yay!! (Knock on wood) She hasn't needed any blood products in almost a week... Wow, is that a miracle in itself!!  She went from needing platelets twice a day to maintaining for almost a week!!  Praise Jesus!  She has not had any fevers for over a week and is currently not on any antibiotics.  She remains on a diuretic and is actually being transitioned to the oral form tomorrow rather than IV, which is a big step in the right direction... Praying that goes well, obviously a little anxious in that!  Fluid overload is the main reason for all of the problems Addie experienced, prayers to never again witness that!!  The doctors and nurses are keeping a close eye on her weight and the second this baby gets over 15 kg I will be on them :).  She is coming off of IV nutrition which is also HUGE and starting tomorrow Addie will only be getting fed through her TP tube.  She can eat and drink anything she wants but unfortunately has no desire.  Her nausea has improved 100 fold... she still has a tummy ache now and again but it is night and day better than before!!  She is regaining her strength and can even stand on her own for short periods of time.  She can walk a few steps on her own, otherwise she can walk well holding just one of my hands... Earlier this week I was supporting most of her weight!  It really is a miracle where we are today!!  I know I keep saying that but it truly is remarkable that Addie is Addie!!  Just a few weeks ago she was struggling to breath and here she is back to her rowdy self, making Momma work!!  We have played countless games of Candyland, bathtime is her favorite time, and I think between Reed, Grandpa, and I we have walked 1000 circles around the bone marrow loop.  She had a tea party with big sister, played school and we even played babysitter...life is GOOD!!  

It sounds like we will for sure be here for Christmas.  We still have a few things that need to happen before Addie is ready to be home and honestly, I don't want to take any chances on getting home and then landing ourselves back in the PICU... I really just don't trust this little cookie!!  I am doing my best to pray that away and am trying my hardest to just enjoy these great moments!!  Christmas is my favorite time of the year.  I can't say I ever saw us spending a Christmas in the hospital, but who does?!  I also didn't ever dream that Emma's first Christmas would be in a hospital room, but here we are and I can guarantee we will make the most of it!!  Christmas is number one a time to give thanks to God for our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and secondly about being a family and rejoicing in that!!  Family time this year has a whole new meaning and for us to be together will make this the merriest Christmas I could ever imagine!!  

Go Team Addie!

"And he shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace"

Isaiah 9:6

"For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ The Lord."

Luke 2:11