My devotional has continued to be about thankfulness and tonight it said... Draw near to me with a grateful heart, and My Presence will fill you with joy and peace. It also said if you practice thankfulness consistently, negative thought patterns will grow weaker and weaker, and if you are busy being thankful you don't have time for worry or fear... Thank you Jesus for these words, for putting exactly what I need to hear in front of me! I could sit all day and worry... There are so many things to fear and stress about as Addie's future remains so unclear!! Oddly, I continue to find myself at peace, and not consumed with worry!! My former self would not have been so... I was that girl who worried about everything and anything!!
I was that mother that felt like I had control over everything, the text book satellite Mom. I felt that if I were near nothing could harm my babies. Well here I lay in the PICU on day 22 post transplant with my precious baby on a ventilator... How is that for a loss of control?! It was control that I never had, that never belonged to me!! Talk about a reality check... I thank God for that reality check... Would I have preferred it in a less tragic way, not the punch in the gut that I received?! Absolutely!! But I was blind and perhaps a suddle slap in the face wouldn't have done the trick!!! As awful as this is and as much as it hurts to see my baby sick, I am so thankful for this new awareness, for His Presence! It is so true that when we need Him, He is there!! He is always there!! It is a feeling that is indescribable, to have so much hurt and feel so much love all at the same time!! I have NO control over anything but what I do have is the ability to pray and trust in Him. I trust that his control is far better than mine, he loves Addie even more than I!!Tonight I am incredibly thankful for the knowledge and technology that we possess and for the amazing doctors and nurses that care for my sweet Addie Bean!! I am so grateful for this machine that saved my daughters life...
Praise Jesus for these things... Thank you Lord for giving my baby another chance at life! I continue to pray that I will watch her grow. That I will be able to walk her to kindergarten and enjoy her sporting events. That I will see her in her beautiful prom dress and some day move her into college! I pray that someday she makes me loads of grandbabies!! I pray for these things almost daily... There will be no greater gift to me than for me to raise my babies, and watch them grow into beautiful women, women of God!! I know Addie's journey will bring glory to God and our team is making His wonderful name known!!
Hallelujah for another good day... A great day!! Addie was taken off of her dialysis machine today to see what those little kidneys of hers will do!! Praying for pee, pee and more pee :). If her kidneys do well and the fluid balance is regulated than we should hear that sweet voice again in a day or two!! I can't wait to hear that voice, see that smile and kiss those big lips!!
Please continue to pray that her liver stays unharmed... Today was a good liver day! Also pray that her platelets will take hold. She has been burning through her platelets (1-2 transfusions/day). Historically, platelets are the last to take residence in the bone marrow so it isn't uncommon what Addie is experiencing. However, platelet wasting can also sometimes be an indicator of liver injury and VOD, praying that will not be the case!!
Please Jesus let us see that smile soon...
Go Team Addie!
