Thankfulness in times of trial is not an easy task. However, the more I find myself thanking him the more peace and reassurance I feel!! Even the simplest of thank yous brings happiness to Him!!! No matter what we face and no matter how hard the day seems, if we open our eyes and our hearts wide enough we will see the many blessings our Heavenly Father bestows upon us!!!
Today has been one of those days full of doubt... Did we make the right decisions?! Is Addie going to recover, can her organs be healthy once again?! Is this going to set us back in her cancer treatment?! So many fears and so many unknowns... Every day I have to force these thoughts out of mind. I remind myself to look to Him for the answers, I tell myself that tomorrow doesn't matter, to enjoy today and I reassure myself that He will never forsake me!!! I have to continuously tell myself that His will for Addie is great and perfect, I have to contine to trust in His plan for her!! I force out the fear, swallow my anxiety and I give thanks... Thanks for another day with my beautiful girl, for my family and my three wonderful girls, for the amazing people who continue to pour out their love and support upon us and to Him for never leaving my side, for holding my hand and hugging my heart!! Honestly, if I were walking this path alone I would have given up long ago, it is hard, so hard and it hurts... But He is there!!!
Addie was taken off her ventilator today!!! We were so anxious to get that tube out and to have our girl back!! Unfortunately, getting that tube out did not make for an easy day, quite the opposite actually! Addie's body is so responsive to any little imbalances, especially her lungs!! She continues to have an issue with pulmonary edema (fluid in her lungs) which is what made her coming off of the ventilator a little tricky!! It is still very unclear as to what is causing Addie to retain fluid, why it happened and why it continues to happen. Please pray for this, pray for clarity and for healing!! Pray that Addie will continue to improve and the fluid will diurese and never return!!!
Currently Addie's lungs are being supported by a BIPAP machine. The BIPAP works by forcing air into Addie's mouth and down into her lungs!!! She looks like Darth Vader :) and I am told it makes her feel like she is sticking her head out of a car window going about 20 mph. She is tolerating it very well and so far it has kept her from needing to be re-intubated!! I have heard multiple times tonite... "Addie is one tough girl, I can't believe how well she is tolerating that mask!! And I can't believe she is breathing so effortlessly despite how bad her lungs look!" (Both reassuring and nauseating all at the same time!) This is the first time the PICU has really been able to see that Addie Brenden gusto, they are definitely seeing who is the boss!!! I thank Jesus that Addie is tolerating the mask and that it is helping her... It was very touch and go as to if it was going to work but so far so good!!! Praying, praying that continues!!
Each minute up here feels so uncertain and at any given moment things change!! I am so thankful that Addie continues to improve but there are definite moments throughout the day that I worry she may regress... Praise God this has not been the case!!! I am so hesitant to say we are past things when there are still so many unknown factors but what I do know for now is that Addie's heart is improving and the doctors are extremely happy. She doesn't have VOD yet and hopefully never will!! She is off of the ventilator with significant help from the BIPAP. Her kidneys remain on the outs and are being helped with a three hour hemodialysis treatment each day. The kidney doctors hope that her kidneys will make a full recovery and the ICU doctors are hopeful that her lungs will eventually heal. The doctors tell me these things take time and of course nothing is certain!! I can't say that we have an over abundance of time because of Addie's cancer protocol but we can only do what Addie's body will allow!!
Today I am incredibly thankful she is here, holding my hand and saying "momma"... Thank you Jesus so much for allowing me to hear that sweet voice!!! I pray that Addie continues to improve each day!! I pray that she stays hopeful!! Soon enough it won't matter why this happened because it will all be gone... A miracle in the making AKA, Addie Lynn Brenden!
Happy Thanksgiving Team Addie.
Also thank you to the Mudd Group, their wonderful employees, Ashley Thompson, and the Zimmerman family for the amazing thanksgiving meals we received!!!
Also thanks MerriLee for the beautiful quilt and for visiting! What a thoughtful and meaningful gift!
This Thanksgiving was something special because of all of you and because of the wonderful people we shared it with!