I have been struggling a bit more than usual lately with worry... I really think it is because things have been so good!! It is like I am waiting for everything to once again drop out from beneath me!! I also think it is because I am home and home is busy! The hospital is hectic but there is usually downtime, where as being home there is zero downtime... There are always things that I can find that "need" to be done! This gives me far less time to sit and be with Him... to pray, to read, and to learn. I really think that is why lately I have been feeling a bit more down... Life sneaks in and pushes Him out!! I read in my devotional that it is so easy to see Him in your most needy moments, in those life altering times. It is in those "normal" everyday moments that He is often forgotten... And that is so true!! He is never forgotten with me but He definitely takes the back seat at times to my role as a mother and a wife. That is consistent with who I am, never taking time for myself! I view my time with Him as precious time to myself but time that I unfortunately fail to take some days!! I need to take that time, because time with Him should be my number ONE priorty, that time makes me a better mother and wife, it makes all aspects of me better!! He shouldn't receive the used up and tired me or get the leftover time when everything else has been done... He should get the fresh, eyes open and ready to rock Mandie, that is what He deserves!!! I am sorry Jesus. I am sorry that there are days when You are the last on my list and that I don't take the time to just sit and be with You... please forgive me. I want so badly to think of you in every moment and to see You in all that I do!! I am so thankful for this time at Home... This time to be a family, but I pray that it will also be a time to grow in You!
Fun in the waiting room... We have played a lot of "I spy" in there!
Where are we at with things... We are knee deep in radiation! We go every working day to Iowa City for radiation! Addie has 12 treatments and we just completed her sixth treatment today... Yay to being half done! They really have been uneventful, it takes about 10 minutes total but because Addie needs to be sedated we are usually there for about two hours! We leave here around 6:30 AM and we are typically home by lunchtime! The drive is definitely tiring and Addie and I both do NOT love it, but it is better to be home... Worth the three hour drive to sleep in our own bed (yep, just our bed... I don't know if she will ever sleep without me again, someday maybe :)). It is crazy how something as major as radiation seems so minor. It is this huge, scary, cell altering process and it is completely uneventful... You don't even know anything is occurring! Addie has a few sharpie marks and stickers on her body but otherwise you would have no idea anything is happening!! Another example of how truly amazing she is... She has underwent now 6 cycles of chemotherapy, 3 surgeries, a stem cell transplant, and 6 cycles of radiation and she is still my Addie... She comes home and wants to play, dance and sing her music!! Wow, is our God good!! What this 3 year old has been through is truly remarkable, she has endured what no one should have to and she does it without a second thought!! Thank you Addie Lynn Brenden for being so brave, so strong and so perfect!! I can't say it enough how blessed I am to be your Mother!! I get to hold you and kiss you every single day... I get to rub your tickle spot, tell you stories of dragons and naughty witches, play Candyland, sleep with you, rub your soft bald head, dance with you and listen to your beautiful voice tell me you love me to the heavens... Wow, am I lucky!!!
We have more to come but it is unclear at this time what that will entail and if her body will allow it... As always the future for Miss Addie Bean is uncertain and she is going to have to fight every day of her life, luckily with Him there is no doubt she can do it!! The future will forever be unclear and I am doing my best to TRUST that what lies ahead is what is right!! What He has planned for us is perfect... Great relief and comfort comes in trusting that!!
Prayer requests... Please pray that Addie's heart is healing and will make a full recovery! Please pray the same for her kidneys!! She continues to be on medications for both of these things! No one knows if her heart will be "normal" again but I am praying that it will!!
Please pray that her body will fully recover, remain cancer free and be able to protect itself for the rest of her LONG healthy life!
Please pray that the next step of treatment will go smoothly for Addie... That she will tolerate it well and that we won't face the same obstacles we did after transplant!
Please pray for clarity for Reed and I... Pray that He would show us the right choices to make in regards to her medical care!! Pray that those choices would be obvious! Pray that we would always know what The Lord wants from us as her parents and earthly advocates!
Please pray that the side effects from all of this horrific treatment are minimal and no long term side effects will cloud this sweet girl's future!!
And lastly... Pray for safe travels as we drive back and forth to Iowa City!!
Thank you everyone for your continued support and prayers!!
Go Team Addie!!
"As for God, His way is perfect; the word of The Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him."
2 Samuel 22:31
Loving on Grandpa... Wearing his glasses!
Her and Daddy making protein shakes with the new Ninja :)
She still thinks it is summer out... Always asking to go outside and play :) She keeps asking me when it will be warm again!!
Enjoying a healthy snack :) after radiation!
Thanks Liz and Kyle for the NYE stuff... The girls loved it!, such a great idea!! So sweet of you :)
Showing off her big muscles!
Some much needed family time... Mommy and Daddy made a last minute decision to go for family dinner... Making sure every Brenden family member was healthy of course and her mask was on! The benefits greatly out weighed the risks!!
First shower... This girl was a shower addict before those tubes were placed!! This was her first shower in 7 months and she LOVED it... She has showered every day since! She has finely made peace with cling wrap, who knew it had this use too?!
Just beautiful :)
Hello Addie & family! Fellow Iowan (and even in the pleasantville/knoxville area!) I got my team Addie bracelet the other day and I love it! All of you are in my thoughts and prayers! Stay strong, little miss Addie! God bless!
ReplyDeleteDeuteronomy 31:6, 8
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.