Another year of preschool begins today. My girl gets to be just that, a little girl starting her second year of preschool. To say that we are thankful for these special moments is an understatement.
I am always asked, How is Addie doing? My most common answer to that question is that Addie does better than me most days :) I am so thankful for that answer.
As many of you know (especially those of you that personally know me and are forced to deal with me on a regular basis), my Mommy worry-brain never stops. I have days that are good and days that I literally feel like I might suffocate from the fear that is trying to consume me. As hard as I try, there are some days that I just can't stop it. With these milestones come great happiness but for me it also ignites worry... How much longer Lord? How much longer do we get to live this wonderful life with a PERFECTLY HEALTHY Addie Bean? How many more "normal" memories will my little girl have? Can she survive and live a "normal" life? These are questions I may never have answered and honestly my harsh reality is that I may not want to know the answers.
Here is my dilemma team and something that I can't get a grasp of...why can't I believe that YES is the answer to that last question, I get so mad at myself... is it because I am a pessimist? Is it because I am in some way trying to prepare or ready myself for it? Is it the devil?? WHY oh WHY must I constantly think she won't make it when it is very possible she WILL. Please Lord help me to push out the worry and the fear, help me to trust in your promises. All of us face futures that are unclear, no day is guaranteed and every day is a precious gift from God. We have been so blessed and witnessed miracles through Addie's treatment and fight against Naughty Randall. God has already answered our prayers. SHE IS HERE RIGHT NOW. We have been granted time with Addie that some Neuroblastoma families never get. How inconsiderate and ignorant of me to worry about something that I may never have to face, how dare I place myself there?! I want so desperately to believe that Addie will never have to fight cancer again, that is my greatest desire... for her to live a long, happy, and healthy life. My struggle is real but I am not alone, every Mom is faced with worries and there are mothers that I follow that have faced realities I can't even bare to think about.
THANKFULNESS is how I get through those suffocating moments (and some really good friends and family members)... I force my mind off of my worries and onto Jesus. I open my eyes to the amazing blessings that I am faced with daily... I get to be a mother to three beautiful little girls. My hope is to continue to live graciously, this is what I have found soothes my anxious Mommy heart. There are so many things to be thankful for and today was one of those things, my girl started another year of preschool!! My greatest prayer is that I will never know a life without my Addie girl. My prayer will continue to be that my sweet baby gets to live cancer free for an eternity. I pray that she will grow old, experience a wonderful life, and that her life will never again be plagued by cancer. I am so thankful that we have a gracious God that never forsakes us and I am so thankful that He has blessed me with three amazing little girls.
Here is to MANY more milestones, like this one!!! I can't believe it... riding a big girl bike without training wheels!! That is my girl!!!
http://youtu.be/LQ-4CCNUxr8
Please pray a special prayer for Addie this week, we had a bit of a scare last week with a lymph node... I don't want to go into too many details but her painful lymph node appears to be better after taking some antibiotics and they are doing a blood test this Weds. to check her inflammatory markers. Please pray that they have gone back to normal and that Addie just had a little bug that was causing things to go a bit haywire. She also gets her hearing aids on Weds... We are excited about this :) but I have been told they take some getting used to. Please pray that they will be comfortable, helpful and that Addie will like them.
Thank you Team Addie.
